by Master Instructor David Alvas, Director
With our upcoming Fall Championship fast approaching, I thought it would be a good idea to talk about the spirit of competition in Tang Soo Do, as it relates to winning and losing in life.
Everyone, either currently or at some point in their lives, likes to win medals and trophies. They are a symbol of accomplishment. They are ornamental representations of hard work, determination, skill, and countless other adjectives that describe success. On the other side of the token, I don’t think I have ever met anyone that does back flips when they lose. That’s not to say I haven’t seen people take losing with a good attitude, but it still hurts.
Why is it that human beings, for the most part, care when we win or lose? It’s because we are all striving for peace in our lives. We are looking for that injection of good feelings that will last a long, long time. Winning provides that feeling, and it can last a while – even a few days or weeks. But it doesn’t last long enough. That’s why next time there is an opportunity for success, we will go after it, even if we have already won.
I have seen people walk away from competitions with gold medals around their neck, sometimes even more than one, and find no peace within themselves. Winners can be losers when you win with the wrong attitude or perception. If you win first place, and walk away thinking ‘I’m the best’ or ‘no one can beat me’ or even ‘I have nothing left to learn’, then you are walking away a loser and have won nothing and found no peace. You will not achieve a feeling of humble accomplishment that will stay with you for the rest of your life. The only thing you will find is an insatiable quest for boosting your ego. You will never find peace.
I have also witnessed people who win nothing in a competition – not even a participation ribbon – walk over to the winners and shake their hand and say ‘I learned a lot watching you today. Thank you for being an inspiration for me to do better.’
This person really won the competition. They went home peacefully and with a good feeling to strive to improve.
The highest form of winning is to walk away from a competition, with or without a medal, and understand the things you did wrong and right, and have the courage to continue to work on it. A true sign of courage is to continue to walk the path even after bearing defeat.
These are all virtues that can only be learned by experience. There are WORLD lessons in life, and there are WORD lessons. The concept of winning and losing can only be learned in worldly experience. And it takes a lot of experience.
For parents, this is a painful thing to watch your children learn. Our natural instinct as parents is to protect our children from any kind of pain, but WE MUST realize that this is impossible to do all the time and may actually hurt the child greatly in the big picture. For children to grow up balanced, they must learn how to accept victory with great humility, and defeat with great courage. This is the spirit of Tang Soo Do that we try to instill in all of our students, young and old.
So how, as parents, can we help children learn these things? You have to start by talking to them about the concepts, and then making them accountable for their actions. When they do well, praise them, and tell them how proud you are. Ask them how they feel. Ask them what they thought was the best part of the accomplishment. Ask them what they thought they could improve on. Then tell them one more time how proud you are.
The tough one is when children, especially younger children, fail at something or don’t get the outcome they expected. This is hard to watch as a parent. However, we must be their strength in this time and help them get back up. They will learn more from picking themselves up than you can imagine. As long as you are there to encourage them and not make excuses for them, they will get better. Making excuses when your child fails, and telling them that it was someone else’s fault, will set them up for monumental failure later in life.
To my adult students, when you compete next week, release your ego and compete to learn more about yourself. More knowledge and understanding of yourself will help bring you more peace.
To the parents of the young students in the school, please share this lesson with your children so they can begin the process of finding peace in their lives. It is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.
All the best,
David Alvas
